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Trials and Suffering
We all know that life is hard. Thank God, Jesus told us in this world we would have tribulation – great trials, hardship and suffering (John 16:33). He didn’t deceive us by letting us think otherwise. Both the Old and New Testament clearly give one account after another of the pain borne in this world. Reeling with the covid pandemic, the entire world endured affliction and death. Loved ones died. Many of us suffered through the ordeal and yet lived. However, reflecting on the last four years, my personal journey involved more suffering during that period: five surgeries, three other hospitalizations, and worst of all, the death of our 2-year-old…
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Bullying
Bullying is a form of emotional/verbal/psychological abuse that can affect people of any age. Often harder to prove due to lack of physical evidence, the fact remains that victims can be seriously damaged for life. Regardless of the person’s age, the following illustrations will hopefully emphasize the need for increased media exposure regarding this topic. Children are vulnerable and unable to defend themselves so often. Lightly supervised or unsupervised playgrounds in neighborhoods, schools, and recreation facilities are common breeding grounds for bullies to flourish. Mark is a 6-year-old boy who is currently in therapy with a child psychologist due to being bullied on his school playground. His specific bullying was…
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Emotional Abuse of Children
Parents and caregivers who emotionally abuse children do these children a massive amount of harm. Below, in a combined list by competent professionals, you will find the specific actions included in emotional abuse of children. Constant criticism Belittling—put-downs, name calling and intimidating body language Rejection Continuous yelling Committing violence against the child or even threatening violence Allowing the child to witness physical or emotional abuse of another Withholding love, support and guidance Neglecting basic needs Destruction of one’s pet or valued possession Threat of abandonment (including suicide) Not allowing the expression of anger or sadness therefore curtailing the development of the full range of emotions The above emotional abuse of…
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Abuse of Adults
Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person. Let’s take a look at adult emotional abuse also known as verbal and/or psychological abuse. Emotional abuse is a pattern of actions meant to humiliate, insult, shame, and create fear in an individual in order to control and manipulate them. Growing weary and worn down, distorted thinking can affect the person’s reality, causing them to believe the abuse is their fault. At the extreme, they may actually believe they deserve the abusive treatment. This pattern can occur in parental relationships, with children, with the elderly, in romantic relationships, in work settings, and even in so-called friendships. Resultant…
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Subjugation and Abuse
When I refer to chronic subjugation, I am speaking about a psychological condition that manifests itself in an ongoing pattern of destructive and servant-like deference. This condition occurs through voluntary compliance; it is imposed not from without but from within. The heart cry of each of us is to be liked, accepted—yes, loved. Individuals may give in to chronic subjugation because they fear abandonment, rejection, retaliation, feel guilty, or simply have a hunger to please. Whatever the reason (and there are many), these individuals persistently place the opinions, preferences, values, desires, and needs of others before their own. This occurs so often that chronic subjugation slowly smothers those who practice…
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Stress and Anxiety
If stress and anxiety are extreme, they will hamper our daily functioning ability. Indeed, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders beset approximately 40 million adults a year. The most common mental health disorder in the US, anxiety can be classified as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias, social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and/or post-traumatic stress disorder. Eliminating known triggers of chronic anxiety is crucial. Thoughts, people, situations, and behaviors that send you into a panic attack are triggers to be observed and worked through. In addition, the feeling of powerlessness or loss of control can produce chronic anxiety. To prevent this from activating a panic attack, you…
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The Stress of Yes
Chronic subjugation begins in the mind, the battlefield where choices are made. This particular battle involves choosing truth over compliance. “Shall I say what I really believe, or shall I choose to please no matter what it may cost me?” We must choose to either speak the truth appropriately or comply unwillingly. When we choose the second option, self-condemnation reigns, and stress and anxiety are the result. When a pattern of chronic subjugation develops, subjugation becomes an automatic choice through which an individual habitually and unconsciously attempts to please another person or group. Those who chronically subjugate often ask themselves, Why did I say yes? I have too much on…
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Inner Conflict
Seasons have changed from the last addition to this blog. And, likewise, the seasons of our lives. Immeasurable inner conflict has all but paralyzed me emotionally and mentally. Dilemma: to choose between subjugating to tragedy or choosing to grieve the unthinkable loss. To shut down and just exist? Become an embittered person? Push through the pain? To move forward regardless of the cost? The struggle is exhausting. Last spring, through an incredible freak accident, our family lost Jack. Jack, our two-year-old beautiful grandson. Remaining hard to believe, surely, this horrific nightmare will end. Nothing can remove the tender, continuous ache caused by his absence; not even professional grief counseling. Thoughts…
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Subjugation
While each individual’s story has significant differences, what unites them is even more important. We all share a common behavior that occurs in many relationships to one degree or another. Through extensive research in the field of psychology, the behavior known as subjugation has been identified as one of the major schemas or patterns of thinking that can impair a life. If it is present in a chronic pattern, it can bring about unbearable, excruciating pain, humiliation, victimization, loss of self, and even death. I call this destructive condition chronic subjugation. Chronic subjugation is far more common than most people realize. The condition is no respecter of status, physical appearance,…
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Report Abuse or Not?
The Barry family name is well known in their resident city. Having lived there for generations, the family has a high profile. This is due, in part, to several successful businesses they own in the area. Their network of contacts is extensive. The Barry family is also in chaos. There are rumors within the family about one of the male members. These rumors are tearing the family apart. The main character in these rumors is being accused of sexually abusing one of the children in the family. The family is now divided into two camps. One camp is pushing for an official investigation, while the other is arguing that this…
Psychotherapist – National Board Certified – Licensed Professional Counselor